Wish I Was Here

So I meant to see Zach Braff's "Wish I Was Here" a long time ago because I lovvveeeeeddddd Garden State so much, but then the whole Kickstarter thing happened and it threw me off and made me think things like, "Why is this celebrity using Kickstarter?" And then after it came out it didn't get the most amazing reviews, so I was like, Eh.. I'll see it when I see it.

But THENNNN, SAG Foundation created a screening event for it with a question / answer sesh with Zach Braff, and I'm like, WHA??!!!! AHHHHHHH I HAVE TO GO TO THIS.

Zach Braff, I love you. Not really, but like I really like your writing, and I really really really loved Garden State, at the time (not that I don't like it now, but you know what I mean.) You said it yourself, that you write about what you're already talking about, and Garden State was about things you thought about during that time, which were apparently things I was thinking about during that time too.

And now in Wish I Was Here, you wrote about stuff you're thinking about now -

• the struggle with going after your dreams and how long you're allowed to do that (omigosh RIGHT?, I love this theme in the movie for sure)
• masculinity and what it means to be a man in 2014 (right on..)
• death and what the hell we're doing on this planet (yes, this is what really matters, and I like the part where you say there are certain people who are sure, and you're kind of jealous about that or something?? I can't remember, I only saw it at the screening and it wasn't loud enough and people were laughing over a lot of the lines and people's heads were in my way)

But even with all that distraction, I really liked the movie! There were so many beautiful moments and great dialogue pieces. Oh man, I cried a few times, and also laughed really hard. 

I think my favorite scene (besides the girl talking to her uncle on the phone) is when you're at the audition and you end up helping that guy in the waiting room, and he's like, "Why are you helping me?" And you're like, "Watch out it might be kindness." OMIGOSH. I actually think I wrote a blog about this a while back, about how I feel so weird when I go to auditions because I automatically am comparing myself with everyone and hoping they all fail and it's so terrible. I started thinking like Wow, I should not be thinking these things. I should be hoping the best for everyone and ultimately hoping the director can get the perfect person for their vision, hopefully it will be me, but if not, then good for someone else then you know? Competing with kindness - that's a theme in my life right now for sure. 

Anyways it really was a beautiful movie and I'd like to watch it again sometime alone so I can really pay attention and have no heads or laughter in my way, but I wanted to tell you I'm sorry about the Kickstarter judgment. I had no idea how hard it was for you to get Garden State made and then again the difficulties with doing the second movie. And I loved what you had to say about your writing style and the industry and your challenges, it was so interesting and inspiring. 

Thank you for continuing to do the things you love and write what's in your heart and not just trying to please people. And I want to check out your play! 

Birdman

Birdman. Uhhhhmmm......... I really liked Emma Stone's hair. I think I'm gonna bring a picture of it to my hair guy.

I don't know how I felt about this movie. I....... liked it? It reminded me that acting's not important, which was a nice confirmation of what I've already been feeling. But also the acting was really good in it. Zach Galifianakis was really good, like serious good, not to mention everyone else.

The writing was........ interesting. The Birdman voice / guy was creepy - that was the Satan character in my opinion, even though it's who Michael Keaton referred to as the voice of truth. (Wow, how we can mess that up.)

After the movie was over, I was like, "I wanna get drunk." I say that all the time for shock value because I don't really drink usually, but my friend Aprile's like, "Really?" I'm like, "No." [pause pause pause] "Really?" Ugghhhhh.

So we went to Urban Home instead and looked at all the Christmassy homey stuff and I thought about what it would be like if I had a home and babies and a husband and cute reindeer dolls on the mantle. Yeah cause what do I do after seeing a movie that reminds me the stuff we care about is meaningless? Go somewhere to care about more meaningless stuff and think about how I can't afford it.

This is my life. But it's gonna change soon I can feel it. I'm feeling inspired, ready, like something's bubbling up and about to burst forth into the world, probably in an invisible way but in a way that will make me feel purposeful.

Well anyway. I don't know what else to say. I need to go to bed. I have a really early babysitting job in the morning. Goodnight!

Titanic

Okay so obviously this is not a recent movie, but I recently got the opportunity to watch it again with a few of my friends while we were vacationing in Arizona, and omigosh, Titanic is a good movie.

And now that I'm not a sophomore in high school anymore, I can see it for WAY more than the love story. I actually was so much more into the last half than the first half this time - it's just so tightly written and directed with so many great moments of love and compassion and selfishness, it is seriously brilliant.

But anyways, this is the main thing God pointed out to me about myself while I was watching it: I was thinking about how nobody in first class really got the real tragedy of what was going on until they were safe in their lifeboats watching the people that didn't get saved drop off the side, (probably to their death). And I was thinking, Wow, it's this sort of tragedy happening that really gets you to wake up to what's important in the world. And I was sort of (naively) praying, Man God I almost wish there was something this bad happening today so I could wake up out of my selfish pit and realize there are real things going on.

And God was like, "Um, there are a LOT of real things going on, Tracy, you're just in first class not thinking about it or aware."

"Oh right.........."

So anyways, since then I've sort of been like, Okay God please help me to realize the reality of what is really going on in the world and give me a passion for something besides movies for the sake of movies or stories for the sake of stories. I want to be compelled toward something real and compel others toward something real, and if I can be a part of movies to do that, awesome. Otherwise, whatever it is He wants me to do while I'm living here in this movie town, I want to be compelled to take action and do it. (And let me just say it's only been a day, and God's already been giving me stuff to respond to. - I'm pretty sure there are certain things God does NOT wait to give us if we pray for them, and asking for opportunities to be compelled to help others is one of them.)

Don Jon

There is a lot of truth in this movie. I had to close my eyes and take out my headphones for a lot of it because I didn't want to actually watch porn to watch a movie about how porn can screw you up.

It can: porn, images, imagination, masturbation. Hail Mary's aren't going to fix it. And probably a pot-smoking, sorta cute, older lady in your college class isn't going to fix it either. But realizing it, talking about it, being honest with yourself and others and then stopping, helping each other stop - I think that might be the answer to our instant gratification / addiction culture, to realize how defeating it is and then help each other overcome it.

So thank you Joseph Gordon-Levitt for putting some truth out there, through a medium people really like (and can be addicted to) and in a way that attracts, especially the people that probably need to hear it the most.

American Graffiti

People are stupid. Women. Men. Everybody. And horny.

This movie was so long and if I didn't have my friend Aprile to watch it with and make commentary during (see: something I never do with movies I like), I wouldn't have made it through.

There were a few good parts and lines, but I can't remember them. And I liked the soundtrack and the styles of the women, but that's about it. If you're thinking about watching this movie, I would say don't maybe.

Nothing happens--> that's what I forgot to mention.




**movie from Roger Ebert's four-star reviews, PG set

Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore

I actually really liked this movie. The kid - Tommy or whatever - was phenomenal, PHENOMENAL. Who was that kid?

--hold on, IMDB check.

Hmm.. Alfred Lutter III. And looks like he stopped acting three years after this movie, so I guess he didn't realize he had amazing talent, or nobody else did.

But anyways, gosh, all those terrible men. It started to make me lose hope (the little I have left) until the end when thank God she met a man who was cute, pretty good, and had a lot of money. He still hit the kid, but really he just gave him a spanking.

Wow. Ellen Burstyn has been in billions of things. She was really good. I'm so happy she could pursue her dreams and have a guy at the same time, and he was willing to drive and move her where she wanted to go, but then she realized she didn't need to go there anymore. That is true love.

And Kris Kristofferson's been in a lot too. He has a pretty unique bio on IMDB, you should read it.

Well anyways, relationships are rough and pursuing your dreams is hard. That's what I learned from this movie (not that I didn't already know it). But I especially liked when she finally said what she wanted loud in the restaurant when she said that everything she does from now on has to include singing.

That's how I feel - I can do a bunch of random jobs for money or whatever, as long as my life can still include acting and as long as these jobs are helping me get closer to acting. And if a guy wants to come along and be a part of it, great. -->Hmm.. that sounded harsh. It's just that as a woman you have to say it like that because we're so easily swayed to the extreme of giving up everything to please our husband (or even just some lame guy who will never be our husband).

I also found it interesting when Alice (Ellen Burstyn) said how at first she liked giving up her dreams to be with her husband because she thought that's how a man should be - dominating or whatever. Wow. Sounds so crazy but I totally get it. As "independent" as so many of us women are these days, we still have this innate desire to just live for a man and please a man. It's gross really. I hope I never do it. Just kidding. I hope I do. He just has to be perfect and love me for more than sex and not be abusive and love Jesus and maybe sort of cute with a stable job.




**movie from Roger Ebert's four-star reviews, PG set

Somm

This was a freaking emotional movie. I mean, I didn't cry, but it was just so amazing to watch these men work so hard to achieve this weird goal. And then the idea that some would pass and some wouldn't and watching who that would end up being. Geez.

It just makes me think of acting and my acting class and my friend Morgan and how we all help each other to get better and better at acting. And we really are helping each other, and it's working, and we really do want each other to succeed. But WE also want to succeed ourselves, and we know that there might be a time when one of us achieves it and one of us doesn't, and then what. Just like the guy in Somm said, the saddest part is not necessarily that we could lose but that if our friend wins and we don't, we'll end up alone. But then also like he said, we'd just have to find a different group to move forward with. You can't give up.

At least with acting it's a little less black and white about achieving and not achieving it. The goal is to make a living financially from it, and I guess the other goal would be to produce something of quality that's making a difference in the world, a good difference. In my case that would be something that could lead people to Christ and maybe the particular people I've been praying for. But maybe it won't be the movie that will do that but it'll just be me and my actual life, or maybe it will just be the Holy Spirit and I won't have a clue how it happened, but if I keep working hard at what God has put in my heart, something good will happen, whether I become a Somm or not. I mean, a star or not. :)

Well anyways, I wasn't really sure if this should go in the movie category or the acting category because it was so inspirational, but yeah I think everyone should watch this movie, no matter what your field or interest. Oh, and my favorite part was when the one guy was talking about how he wanted to pass so it could be a gift for his wife, so he could finally spend time with her. I know they all waned that for their spouses, but just the way he put it and his emotion, that was emotional.